Code Me

I’m exhausted. I keep saying, after I fix this one bug, everything will be groovy, and I can relax. But then I find a new issue to get entangled in. “Just this one last feature, and all will be nice and slow again.” But it’s constant pounding. If I'm not fixing bugs caused by previous code, I’m fixing bugs from new code.

The problem is that I’m an obsessive. Once I start on something, it becomes the only thing I want to do. And I’ve been addicted to coding lately. A great problem to have right?

Well, coding is fun, when it goes your way. But it never does. From your code will arise new emperor bugs that will demand your enslavement. When a bug, or problem, or difficulty arises from writing new code, I strap my seatbelt, because I know I probably won’t eat, sleep, or shower until it's fixed. This is fine for once in a while complications. But I’m finding that I’m in a strange loop that encourages constant development, and that has gotten me feeling tired.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not tired of coding. There is nothing I’d rather be doing right now. But the way it affects my external life—that part is tiring. That coding is the only thing I ever want to do, that part is tiring. The most tiring part of all is that I can’t get myself to take a break. I just don’t want to. Taking a break gives me major FOMO.

I’m not tired of coding. I’m tired of external life stopping me from coding. Do you see why that can get to be a problem?

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