Uncertainly Free

In the definitions of freedom we’ve been exploring in the last few posts, we happened on the most suitable as the lack of dependence on arbitrary powers. And I had figured, since I don’t have a boss, that I’m pretty free, and should feel pretty good all the time.

But, I don’t always feel good. Sometimes, I feel as bad as I ever felt at a job. Of course, they’re different strands of pain. But pain nonetheless. And I think if we were to explore more deeply the definition of freedom we’ve been entertaining, we would ultimately arrive at the conclusion that it is impossible to free. You could remove all external dependencies from your life, such as a boss, a state, or an abusive spouse. And you would imagine, after all the limiters have been removed, that you’d feel free. But there is one thing you can never be free from.

You will always be dependent on effect. You may have freedom to be the cause, to perform an action, but ultimately, you are dependent on the outcome. The definition of freedom as stated is a lack of dependence on an arbitrary power that may act with impunity without tracking your consent. By that definition, that’s exactly what life is. It’ll rough you up without your permission and without ever looking back.

I’ve been on existential edge the last few days, highly prickly and sensitive. I am utterly at the mercy of the universe, and the fate it bestows on me. I, You are at the mercy of uncertainty. Of not knowing whether this day will be your last. Whether your loved ones will fall sick or suffer grave injuries. Whether any of the work you’re doing will matter or pay off. In that way, none of us are free, and all of us feel that same pain. We are all preyed upon equally by the ravenous fangs of the future.